If you’re not me please don’t read this (it’s private).
Who am I? Have you ever thought of that? Sometimes we keep blaming others for not understanding ourselves, but sometimes I really do wonder if I really truly understand myself. What I really want? What personality do I have? Till today I’m still caught by surprises on how I behave sometimes. Why did god make humans so complex? Why can’t all of us be simple beings that are only capable of true or false logic (no maybes and uncertainties). Yeah, I know for a fact that uncertainties are my biggest enemies. I’m not sure if it’s some mental disorder, must everything must be certain for me. It bugs me when things are ambiguous and unclear.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m a stranger to myself. You know each person has a unique identity that identifies the person. Often we’ve used terms to describe friends like “It’s typical of her” or “I know he’ll do that. It’s just him”. For me I feel that I’ve lost that. Don’t ask me why I don’t know. This really scares the shit out of me. Being someone that has to be certain everything suddenly is unsure about oneself. Oh dear, big problem there. I’m so tangled right now I actually feel like I’m somewhere where there’s no time, no logic and no why. I’ve been living life like in Alice’s Wonderland for quite some time now. No why, it’s the way it is. I need to pull myself together, get a grip and move forward.
Recently, I have been mean to some people who accidentally in some ways stepped on my foot. I feel bad about it now, because I know it’s not “typical” me. Just because someone did something bad to me it doesn’t mean that I have the right to take revenge. A lot of people might not agree with me because eventually everyone takes you for granted. But at the end of the day, I always feel better looking back and knowing that I did the right things.
There is one more thing that bugs me but too complicated to explain. All I need to say is, “When you know someone really well, you’ll understand their behavior and you will learn to adapt and forgive. When you do not know someone well enough, little things piss you off because you just don’t understand. Not sure if you understand this, but it makes sense to me. Sigh I still got a long way to go. But I’ll try my best don’t worry.
I need a break. Not just a holiday. I want to have a day which is out of the 7 day week. A day where there is no time. Everyone will be suspended in time from the previous day. And i will get the day to get my direction and also get some lead time while i'm at it. Hahaha one day called "Wunday" (pronounced as one-day). PS: I'm so not creative when it comes to names. Thats a never changing fact. And the day will come between Sunday and Monday because i don't like Mondays.
You must think that I’m making no sense right? But it does, I know it does.
Who am I? Have you ever thought of that? Sometimes we keep blaming others for not understanding ourselves, but sometimes I really do wonder if I really truly understand myself. What I really want? What personality do I have? Till today I’m still caught by surprises on how I behave sometimes. Why did god make humans so complex? Why can’t all of us be simple beings that are only capable of true or false logic (no maybes and uncertainties). Yeah, I know for a fact that uncertainties are my biggest enemies. I’m not sure if it’s some mental disorder, must everything must be certain for me. It bugs me when things are ambiguous and unclear.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m a stranger to myself. You know each person has a unique identity that identifies the person. Often we’ve used terms to describe friends like “It’s typical of her” or “I know he’ll do that. It’s just him”. For me I feel that I’ve lost that. Don’t ask me why I don’t know. This really scares the shit out of me. Being someone that has to be certain everything suddenly is unsure about oneself. Oh dear, big problem there. I’m so tangled right now I actually feel like I’m somewhere where there’s no time, no logic and no why. I’ve been living life like in Alice’s Wonderland for quite some time now. No why, it’s the way it is. I need to pull myself together, get a grip and move forward.
Recently, I have been mean to some people who accidentally in some ways stepped on my foot. I feel bad about it now, because I know it’s not “typical” me. Just because someone did something bad to me it doesn’t mean that I have the right to take revenge. A lot of people might not agree with me because eventually everyone takes you for granted. But at the end of the day, I always feel better looking back and knowing that I did the right things.
There is one more thing that bugs me but too complicated to explain. All I need to say is, “When you know someone really well, you’ll understand their behavior and you will learn to adapt and forgive. When you do not know someone well enough, little things piss you off because you just don’t understand. Not sure if you understand this, but it makes sense to me. Sigh I still got a long way to go. But I’ll try my best don’t worry.
I need a break. Not just a holiday. I want to have a day which is out of the 7 day week. A day where there is no time. Everyone will be suspended in time from the previous day. And i will get the day to get my direction and also get some lead time while i'm at it. Hahaha one day called "Wunday" (pronounced as one-day). PS: I'm so not creative when it comes to names. Thats a never changing fact. And the day will come between Sunday and Monday because i don't like Mondays.
You must think that I’m making no sense right? But it does, I know it does.
2 comments:
The only certain and constant thing in life is change. I believe u might be experiencing quiet a significant change in life recently that's why u feel in that way....Most of us dun feel comfortable and panic at the beginning but change does mean better most of the time. So let's embrace change to better ourselves. :)
Yes you're right. There are major changes in my life at the moment. And lucky thing for me, they are positive changes (at least i think they are. But its not the change that i don't welcome. Its the transitioning period with all that abiguity. Hehe i guess i'll just need to learn how to handle that.
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